Six

It's 9:52 AM here on this part of the earth. It's eternity o' clock in heaven where my sweet Haddie is. I can't imagine what it's like but I try to. I think already by this time today Haddie has spent sometime singing to Jesus, swimming in the clearest sea you could ever imagine, and has already ate some of the best cake you could ever taste...6 layers high, covered with sprinkles, and ice cream...and I'm sure pap helped her eat some of it....and some other relatives and friends (It's okay, cake doesnt make you fat in heaven) She's laughed, smiled that big smile, and has the biggest sense of peace you could ever fathom. 

Here on earth it's a little different. We smile. Yet we still cry. We smile because we didn't deserve the 5 years we got with her. It so easily could have been 5 minutes. But God decided to give us longer than that. And what a 5 years it was. That little girl taught us more in those 5 years than I imagine I'll learn the rest of my life. She taught us that God can do whatever He wants through whomever He wants no matter how small they are and no matter what odds are stacked against them. She taught us that what can look like a weakness is actually a strength. She taught us that words do not have to be spoken to communicate and understand love. She taught us more medical terms than we ever cared to know. She taught us to have hope. We got to spend 1,964 days with that girl. I remember the first time I said her name and that little arm shot up to hold my finger. I remember Kate getting to meet her. I remember being absolutely terrified as we made the trip from Philly to Belpre. I remember her milestones of crawling, smiling, eating, and talking. I vividly remember the last day we had too. 

And that's where the crying comes in. We are obviously glad that we know she is at peace now. Her body has no limitations. But we miss that crazy curly hair. We miss the sounds she made. We miss the look in her eye when she was happy and full of joy. She's there and we are still here. 227 days we have spent without her. No I don't know that number by heart...I googled it. But I imagine to Haddie, she's not aware of that span of time. She doesnt have to worry about time. I think she'll be seeing us any minute now (in her mind and the way she experiences it). Because there is no sadness in heaven, I don't think she has to feel the ache of missing us like we miss her. One day, either when Jesus comes back, or when we leave this earth, we will get to spend eternity with her. That will far outweigh any of the days we spent without her here on earth. 

Until then, we smile, cry, and remember the gift we were given. She was a beautiful fighter. Our myrtle tree. Frogger. Our sweet and precious Haddie. Happy 6th Birthday...I know it'll be a great one where you are.