It would be awesome if I could live that way a little bit more. Yet sometimes in life it is hard not to worry about things. We let a negative thought or a scenario invade our minds and it can take over and be maddening at times.
I would say that accurately describes some of the feelings we had at the start of this month. Last month Kate and I took Haddie to see a gastroenterologist and a dietician at Akron Children's Hospital. Kate had seen them once before and it did not go so well. She went just to see about Hadassah's acid reflux and within two minutes they were pushing her to get a G-Tube. (A G-Tube is a port that they put into children's stomachs that allow you to give them medicine and food when they do not eat well).
Our meeting went about the same. We felt they came at us rather strong and said Haddie was not where she should be nutritionally. "She is way below the curve. We believe she is dehydrated. She acts dehydrated. In fact, we have admitted kids to the hospital for less than this." That didn't sit very well with us.
1. Haddie was sick that week and the week prior so she wasn't exactly perky.
2. Haddie has a mouth full of spit and frequent wet diapers...not exactly the signs of a dehydrated kid.
3. Last year we fed Haddie too much and she became obese. Now they are saying she's too small and not growing.
I will be honest, they made me question all of that though. Kate felt like I kind of turned on her in the meeting. But if what they were saying was true, then I would be a horrible father who's slowly killing his kid and didnt know it. So we came to this compromise: "Give us one month to feed her what she should be getting to grow and to give her fluids for proper hydration and if we come back and she hasn't grown...we will consider the G-Tube". They agreed, we went home, and the worrying began.
All month we pushed Haddie to eat higher calories and to drink as much as she could. She crushed the calorie count they made for her. She did well on that. But it was near impossible to get her to drink the 700+ mls of fluid she was supposed to get.
We weighed her on our own scales and she seemed to be gaining weight. So that took a little bit of the pressure off. Yet I also began to think more about what they said and the more I thought about it the madder I got. Haddie has never gone by the numbers. The tumor was a 1 in 40,000. Her chances for survival were 50%. The chances of her surviving if she was born premature after they found out about the brain bleed was extremely low. My child doesn't like statistics. The average adult is supposed to drink 8 glasses of water a day...I doubt I come close to that. So i wonder if they should admit me to a hospital because of it.
So I planned on firing these things out in the next meeting if they came at us again. I had about 15 verbal weapons in my back pocket if I needed to use them. It truly has been a long time since we felt like we had to fight for Haddie. Yet I still worried if it was the right choice. At the end of the day, a g-tube really isn't that big of a deal. Its a quick surgery. You can still feed orally...whatever calories or fluid that is lacking can be added via the tube. The tube can be removed when it is no longer needed. Yet Kate felt in her heart of hearts that it wasn't right for Haddie. "Eating is the one thing that she does very well on."
The last bit of worry came when we weighed her a couple of days before the appointment. It looked like she had lost weight. Uh oh we thought.
So we went to the meeting last Wednesday. Turns out, God was right. He always is. Why worry? It accomplishes nothing. Haddie had gained weight. She's 21 lbs. The two demon doctors...well they actually were nice. They were extremely happy with Haddie's progress. They said she is right were she needs to be. They said continue doing what we are doing. The word "g-tube" was not mentioned one time.
We walked out and felt peace. And we were finally able to enjoy the fact that Haddie has been doing awesome. She's been way more alert since we dropped her one seizure medication. She's moving, reaching, kicking, and even holding up her head more. Funny how worry can make you not enjoy the good stuff right in front of you.
So long post. Moral of the story...trust Him to is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. God is good.